Stay Away

Globally we are at 451k infected, 25k deaths and 112k recovered.

The United States has the 3rd largest number of infected with 60k. We are only testing at a rate of roughly 1 in 1000 right now and the numbers are certain to go up.

I have struggled this entire week to keep my shit together for various reasons but primarily because I lost one of my best friends last Saturday and I am trying to cope with that.

She was one of a handful of people who would call me on my bullshit and someone I would take that from. Like a sister to me, and an Aunt to my son. I’m feeling an enormous amount of grief over this and ugly crying randomly throughout the days. One thing making this worse is that we cannot gather for a funeral service due to restrictions on gathering. It makes this even more difficult to process right now.

So many emotions. I feel guilty and question myself for not always keeping in touch. Sad that I wont get to hear her laugh or make an inside joke that only the two of us would understand. I wish I could just hit rewind,

I am fortunate to have great support around me and I appreciate every bit of that. Still very difficult.

Outside of that things in my city are starting to slow a bit. Tonight we start our full on ‘stay home’ mandate from the Governor. I hope people take it serious but I fear many will not.

I have been keeping up with friends who are nurses and the stories they tell are troubling. Beds are full and the numbers are rising. There is a very real fear that within a week they will be at capacity. Staff have already run out of masks and other items they need. If these people get sick who will take care of the critically ill? There is a service in town that allows us to buy meals for medical workers which are delivered to the hospitals around town. I bought as many as I could afford and hope in some way that offers a bright spot in their day.

I am an introvert by nature but even I am starting to feel the weight of staying home all of the time. I can’t imagine how my extrovert friends are dealing with this and hope they can cope.

People are on edge. There are a few support groups on Facebook for my community and people are becoming more hostile. I cannot imagine how people will react if things get worse and this drags on. I always hope it will bring out the best in people but I don’t see that happening right now and it scares me.

Tomorrow and the next few days will be interesting once the stay at home mandate kicks in. Fingers crossed.

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